Category Archives: Humor
Mitt Romney wins Maine
With two thousand votes total
He must be well liked
On Facebook informed us all
Whitney Houston died
Bishops not happy
With Obama’s compromise
Twitter PR Team: “At twitter, we believe that the open exchange of information can have a positive global impact. Every day we are inspired by stories of people using Twitter to help make the world a better place in unexpected ways.”
Coach Hoke: “I don’t like twitter. Why would anyone want to know I’m at McDonalds eating a cheeseburger…If I want to talk to you, I’ll call you up and talk.” – At today’s Signing Day press conference.
Colbert’s Super PAC American’s for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow has raised $1.02 million. Upon disclosing the amount of money earned, Colbert was quoted as saying “How you like me now, FEC?” in a letter written to the commission. To celebrate this monumental achievement, let’s have a countdown of Colbert’s top 5 moments.
Disclaimer: Only I wrote this.
+ A Viewpoint suggests that the election in Taiwan is more important than the 2012 election here. Maybe he hasn’t seen the new Bo-themed swag.
+ The best part of an op-ed about the 60s and celebrities and drunk people in airports is that the first paragraph repeats the same 2 sentences one right after the other. But that’s also the worst part of the piece because it says that someone exists on this planet who doesn’t care about Blue Ivy. Twice.
+ After being reinstated, Beta Theta Pi is continuing to recruit and increase membership. This is especially awesome because in their absence there was an apparent lack of Greek Life on our campus.
+ Environmentally friendly efforts of the University have been working out well!
+ Michele Norris and Adrian Fenty spoke yesterday at MLK symposium events. One of those things is better than the other.
+ An editorial is asking the University to mandate affordable class materials. I assume after we get that we work on actual affordable classes?
+ A TV columnist is giving up “Glee” because it sucks. Good luck with that! Every week for the past one and a half seasons I’ve told myself I’m not going to watch “Parenthood” and every week for the past one and a half seasons I’ve secretly sat sobbing in front of my computer because I 1)can’t imagine why anyone would watch this show when the movie was so much better and 2) JUST CAN’T STOP WATCHING IT.
+ What I lack in sports knowledge I more than make up for with exceptional powers of deductive reasoning. Our hockey team appears on the front page of the sports section holding a trophy so I’m preeettty sure we won something.
+ Interesting information about the dental school is included in “This Week in History.” If you’re like myself and hold dental hygiene to be almost as important as oxygen then I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!
+ “Carnage,” a star-studded film turns out to not be as good as people thought it would be. Let’s watch “Valentine’s Day” instead because that was a real winner.
The obligatory disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein reflect only the views of the author and don’t represent the opinions of any organization with “D” in it. Be thankful, organizations with “D”, you are guaranteed to be much more witty than I could ever muster.
-President Obama delivered his State of the Union address last night and gave a very centrist speech, with a few bones to progressives (high speed rail, DREAM act) and the right (spending freeze, regulation reform). Meanwhile, Charles Bogren was listening to a different speech, and when asked his thoughts he responded with a drooling word salad of “liberals liberals liberals Communism evil aliens.”
-WolvPAC wants the University to start an Israel program since apparently the students have the option of studying abroad in every other country ever, except Israel. Because the University has always been keen on sending its undergraduates to the lands of Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-il.
-The Michigan Daily Editorial: Banish the smoking ban!! Have cigarette smoke fill the University forevermore! Huzzah!
-Lighting is causing all the crime in Ann Arbor. Too bad Michele Bachmann just started leading a crusade in her State of the Union rebuttal against lightbulbs.
-Yay for Sundance short films coming to Michigan! The pinnacle of cinematography, the festival includes “Mr. Okra,” a story about a man who sells fruits and vegetables from his truth in New Orleans, singing about his vegetables. Finally, a movie geared to the small, but vibrant druggie culture in Ann Arbor.
-Rich Rod is joining CBS as a guest analyst. Funny, I had seen him working at the Bursley Dining Hall on occasion the past few weeks. Looks like he’s moving on up.
-According to the Random Pointless Student Interview, North Campus sucks. Kudos to the Michigan Daily esteemed newspaper for day in, day out, telling us things we knew the first day of setting foot on Ann Arbor soil.
For all who read through the whole thing, thank you.
I know you all are probably a little sick of recaps of Obama’s first 100 days, but Slate has, by far, the most amusing recap I’ve seen. They’ve put together what Obama’s fbook newsfeed would look like. Check out the full piece here.
With all the excitement over gifts and queen-touching (not to mention the whole world-wide depression thing), few people heard about the wonderful gift the Dutch gave to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, a large bouquet of her strain of tulips! According to Daily Intel,
In 1994 the Dutch were apparently so enamored with Clinton that they created and named a new strain of tulip just for her.
In case you want more information on the Tulipa Triumph “Hillary Clinton,” check out ADR Bulbs. Now, if only I could get my own strain. That would be kick ass.
So I’m on CNN.com a few minutes ago when I saw this under CNN’s “Latest News”
Ticker: I want Obama to fail, actor says
Well, I thought to myself, who could that be? Â Aren’t all actors crazy socialists who would probably describe Obama as “a little conservative for my tastes”?
So I clicked on the link.Â
It’s about Fred Thompson. Â
He may be a former Senator, presidential candidate, etc., Â but to CNN, he’s just some “actor”. Â This gave me great pleasure.