*The following does not reflect the opinions of the CDUM, MFCD, MDP, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, CBC, BBC, ABC (the Australian one), CBGB, or anyone else with a sense of decency. Also it’s not funny, read at your own discretion.*
1) Our dear Friend Liz Brater introduced a bill to protect students who call 911 from getting an MIP. The current laws are seen as deterents that tend to cause more harm than good. Which I believe is the Michigan Republican Party’s motto, “First do lots of harm!”
2) Borders is in the tank, they went from $20 a share in 06 to 65cents a share. When will Washington Bailout the bookstore industry?!?!?!
3) We have a new dean of students, so alas we must big farewell to E. Royster Harper. We hardly knew you, well I hardly knew you.
4) Comet Coffee makes every cup individually, because I guess it makes it taste better. Okay people, coffee tastes like butt, and this store is going to fail. There isn’t a joke there, just this is a dumb concept.
5) A Ross professor found that the problem with subprime lending is they never took into account situational factors and what not when handing out loans. I would explain more, but there was something about a statistics model and I am failing stats. Sorry.
6) “Phone stolen, Victim Disappears” This means only one thing, either the victim was a ghost, or the criminal stole them too.
7) According to the Daily, who gives me all my opinions we should legalize opium in Afghanistan rather than convince farmers to grow wheat. Also there is a cartoon, which basically does nothing but make me mad. Seriously why are these cartoon artists all mindless shalubs. Oh Kaitlin Henry wrote a LTE, I read it, it made sense, I agree with what she said. I still hate the environment.